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Up to this point, I have re-gained my integrity as the person I am and was meant to be. I see me for who I am and flourish in it. I wonapos;t even really write anything about any of the things Iapos;ve gone through over "The name that must not be spoken" the couple of weeks as it no longer serves a purpose. Iapos;m finaly free of all that. Lessons are learned, forgiveness is given, and the outcome was appropriate. Iapos;ve again learned so much about myself; the experience was�definately priceless.�Everything has turned out the�way it was meant to with all that.�

I spent a good amount of time this weekend with Jacob.�Everyone was gone from�my house this weekend so we spent it together. This is one of the first times we have been completely alone and it was so chill. We had a�real good time being with�eachother.�I am�getting close to Jacob in a way that I never have before with anyone. I feel like I�see him�for who�he truly is. I see him very clearly and I am very lucky�that he seeapos;s me�the same way. I didnapos;t think my heart would begin to open up to anyone�new. But he found his way�through the layers with�his�openess and patients. Poor guy, he had to be�so patient with me. I though we moved too fast there for a minute. I was just�scarred, doubtfull, and not willing to move forward.�He hung in there and never quit on me. Jacob never stopped showing me that I was truly wanted, liked, and appreciated. Even when I couldnapos;t show him the same. I was going through a pessimistic period the last few weeks and he was there for me. He gave me the time, space, acceptance, and opportunity to get through my demons. Now I see him truly through new eyes and I am very appreciative of him. I am growing closer without fear or doubt. Amazing. I wouldnapos;t give up what we share for anything.

I still need to find a decent job. Perferrably a good job. Somewhere I can grow and development myself for the next 5 years while in school. Speaking of school, I need a faster route. Online college can provide that, however, it is more money than I care to spend on school right now and it sure doesnapos;t hold as much clout as a REAL�UC or CAL�State. In my opinion, you have to work harder for your degree in real on campus school. You also get more experience in the long run so I will just keep it up. I must be patient; I have my whole life to obtain that goal. The only thing that is truly very urgent to me right now is making more money.

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